Five Things I Can’t Live Without

Now, I’m not talking about the obvious things – air, water, toothbrush – but the fun things. The little “luxuries” that make the monotony of every day just a little bit more fun. I’m not even going to choose books or coffee as those are both obvious. I’m also not going to say gif. You should know by now that I love those little moving images.

As usual, these are in no particular order.

1) Melted Cheese
Yuuuuuuuummmmmm. You guys, melted cheese is a gift and we should honor it. The ability to melt cheese is the ability to improve on perfection.
Cloudy Cheese Bath
2) Stripes
Not necessarily my favorite pattern in the world, but definitely the one I can’t live without. I’ve got stripes everywhere – I’m wearing some right now, if you must know. A good stripe is classic and striking. Vertical is okay. Horizontal is where it is as. And don’t even try to tell me that fat ladies shouldn’t wear them. Boo, I say. Boo. I need good patterns in my life.

3) Straws
All cold drinks are better through a straw. Except maybe wine. My household starts to feel really deprived if we run out of straws and – even though it is wasteful – I try to keep an extra package on hand at all times. Hard plastic straws are fine, but I prefer disposable so I can bite the end closed and make it square. It is sad to say, but these little tubes are significant in my daily life.

Water? Better through a straw.
Iced tea? Better through a straw.
Soda? Better through a straw.
Chocolate milk? Better though a straw.
Ann Perkins
4) Skip Button
I physically cannot listen to the end of a song or watch the credits of a television show. Just can’t do it (although interestingly, I enjoy watching movie credits). Without a skip button to make my way through a shuffled playlist or to bypass episodes of a television show I just don’t want to watch . . . well, I can’t even imagine how cranky I would be. Somehow I am both picky and undecided; a skip button is imperative to my media consumption.

I’d also like one for real life. Okay? Thanks.

5) Olde Brooklyn Lantern

Scoff all you want, but I’ve gotten more humor mileage out of this as-seen-on-tv gag gift than almost anything. I love this weird, cheap thing. Anytime the lights blink you can hear someone in the family call out, “Better grab the Old Brooklyn Lantern.” Life would be a little worse without it.

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