Poking around on the internet this week, I stumbled across this anti-bucket list post from Rock and Drool. You know, all of those things that other people want to do before they die and you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. I was inspired to create my own list. Share your anti-bucket items in the comments.
1. Run a Marathon/Half-Marathon/Around the Block
Nope, not going to happen. I have no desire to run/jog/walk with a large group of people. I have no desire to be left alone with my thoughts for that long. I have no desire to post a photo of me crossing the finish line. Marathons, in general, are just not my cup of tea. I’m not even really interested in cheering you on from the sidelines, but I’ll drop you off if you need a ride then treat myself to French toast somewhere.
2. Read/Watch 50 Shades of Grey
I have nothing against the BDSM community – you do you, yo! I’m all about experimentation in the bedroom. – but everything I’ve heard about this relationship just seems abusive. Plus, if I want to watch some porn I’ll just watch some porn. I don’t need it hidden in some watered down fantasy.
3. Go Skydiving
I get kind of nauseated going up steep hills, so this seems like a physical impossibility for me. I don’t think I’m missing out on much though.
4. Go to Burning Man
I see photos of Burning Man and people are always there, but I don’t know why anyone would want to go to such a dirty, sweaty, lack-of-civilization kind of thing. I am not that person. No, not at all.
5. Learn to Play an Instrument
I tried to learn how to play the piano as a kid (hated) and later learned to play the clarinet (it was fine). I’m not counting those now, as I probably couldn’t make much of any noise you would consider music on either instrument. I like listening to music; I don’t like playing music. I have a ukulele at home (hipster cred!), but disliked learning how to play it so much I abandoned it after only learning a couple of chords. I enjoy just plucking on the string when I’m alone. That is enough for me.
6. Complete a Year-Long Daily Photo Project
How many photos of cups of coffee can you take? Here is the view from my office chair. Here is the view from my office chair turned to the right. Here is the view of my office chair from the door. Here is my driveway. I don’t do enough to take daily photos. I’d give it two weeks before I get tired and abandon everything.
7. Swim with Dolphins
This one is a no because I fear it would be less “Look! Stephanie is swimming with those dolphins!” and more “Look! Those dolphins are attacking Stephanie! Somebody help!” I think dolphins are secretly evil. At the very least, they seem to take pleasure in occasionally humiliating their human guests.
8. Meet a Singer/Band
You know you are just going to be disappointed. That person isn’t the person you think you know from their music and they don’t want to be accosted on the street. If you happen to have backstage passes, they will just be sweaty and tied. Gross. I’ll stick with the music, thanks. I might make an exception for older musicians; they always seem to be fairly genuine when speaking/posing with fans. Not sure though…
9. Learn Spanish
This isn’t one of those “We speak English in America!” things. From what I’ve seen, if you speak Spanish you constantly get called over to help out when a Spanish-speaker and English-speaker are having difficulty communicating. I don’t want to be that go-to person.
10. Be Part of a Flash Mob
So what do you really have here? Lots of planning for five minutes of fun and a YouTube video. I’d rather order a pizza.