Things You Should Know About Introverts

1) We need to recharge alone.
This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert v. extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds.
I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence.
I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule #1 for dealing with introverts – Don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy.
Introvert and shy are actually two different things. Google it! In my case, I’m a shy introvert (the double whammy!).

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining.
See #1 and #2. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But – here is the thing – I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you.
See #3. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans.
I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts.
My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100% on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting.
You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around.
That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions.
Just because I have difficultly sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

Like talking about this kind of stuff? Check out my post Things You Should Know About Ambiverts.



  1. Because someone I love posted this to her FB page I read it. I experience none of those things. So, thanks for the insights. Because sometimes we don’t have to actually feel the pinch of walking a mile in another’s moccasins in-order to understand them better.

    I wonder if someone is doing a study on the relationship of introversion and the unprecedented changes in what ‘being social’… introverted and extroverted, means in 2015 as compared to 1815 or even 1915. There is no West to go to anymore. Any empty horizon or landscape always makes me curious about who is just over the horizon or unseen behind a tree. I do not fear silence or empty space but I am much happier if I have someone near by and interested to talk about it with.

    1. I am shy and introverted but I have always known this about myself and knowing has made me cope with it. I do sometimes feel isolated because of it though .

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  3. i am outgoing and shy, really it depends on the situation but i am definitely and introvert. by outgoing i mean that i can talk to anyone and get along with them… that doesnt mean that i like talking to everyone or meeting new people, though i wont pretend im texting someone on an elevator just to avoid small talk. i cant stand crowds even if i know everyone in the crowd once you get past myself and four other people there are just way too many emotions involved for me. i can take the lead on a group project though i would prefer not too and speaking in front of other people tends to make my heart race and my body shake. while i wouldnt call what goes through my head constantly a monologue i do constantly have things running around, for me the need to think before i speak is more about getting things together enough that im not completely rambling the whole time im trying to explain myself. now when i read number 6 i was laughing so hard i couldnt breath because when i do finally hit that point that i need to be alone or in a calm place that is exactly what i do and its not something i do on purpose. from what i have read on the replies so far i can say a lot of people are right about one thing and that is that it is true all of these things can and are usually diagnosed as other things but to all those people who have said that this isnt explaining what being an introvert is you are completely wrong… it may not be everything and like some of you have said people are different that means their specifics in being introverted are going to be different too and i guarantee you that every true introvert in the world has at least one of these characteristics to some degree. to anon who posted that they feel none of these things… the only thing i can say is that your not an introvert which you make completely clear to anyone who knows anything about what being introverted means when you say ” There is no West to go to anymore. Any empty horizon or landscape always makes me curious about who is just over the horizon or unseen behind a tree.” anyone with a brain knows that there is no such thing as an empty horizon or landscape some are just void of human life at the time your seeing it. to always wonder who is on the other side rather than sitting down and enjoying the scene for what it is when it is regardless of who may be hiding behind the next tree… well thats… honestly i find it kind of sad both as an introvert and as an artist because you miss so much that way.

  4. Yes that’s me perfectly! And worse, as a man the small-talk, connecting, and just being out their in the world trying to be ‘normal’ is especially difficult IMHO

  5. Secretly love it when plans are cancelled?? How about flooded with relief, then feeling giddy, then thinking about all the books I’m going read, in my quiet house, with my kitty cats. Pure heaven.

    1. Yes, this, happened to me yesterday and I’ve had the best weekend because of it!! Read, relaxed, slept in, sat in the sun ….

  6. This really could have been a sheave from the Files of Me. It’s so reflective of my thinking processes and so honestly presented and explained. It takes a special kind of person to understand the care and handling of an introvert… and when you don’t have it in you to explain (and, let’s face it, it’s hard to do, especially if it seems like toes will be squished in the process), this makes a decidedly well-thought summary. Gratz.

  7. Since I was very little I’ve hated all drop-in company. This got much worse as I aged, now I live alone and will not tolerate it. I never see this trait on an introvert list, and this is definitely from my being an introvert. I also screen my phone calls, but that is just because I’m avoiding people who are incredibly irritating. Is this true for anyone else?

    1. Yes! Yes! I abhor drop-ins. I grew up in a family business (horse farm) where drop-ins were the norm – not to mention, it’s a norm of country life as well. Now I live in town and it really wrecks my day when someone drops in on me.

  8. “Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.”

    Yes! This article describes me better than any other introvert article I’ve read. Thanks!

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