Things You Should Know About Introverts

From MeetTheIntroverts.com

From MeetTheIntroverts.com

1) We need to recharge alone.
This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert v. extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds.
I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence.
I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule #1 for dealing with introverts – Don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy.
Introvert and shy are actually two different things. Google it! In my case, I’m a shy introvert (the double whammy!).

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining.
See #1 and #2. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But – here is the thing – I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you.
See #3. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans.
I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts.
My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100% on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting.
You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around.
That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions.
Just because I have difficultly sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

972 Comments on “Things You Should Know About Introverts

  1. It sounds like you are describing a social anxiety or spectrum disorder rather than introvert. Carl Jung’s description of introverts is much more accurate. I am an introvert but have no problem being in a crowd. I like watching and learning about people and prefer deeper conversation than small talk, not that I am not okay with small talk but prefer meaningful conversation. Fearful of crowds or running away is not an introvert trait, this is more of an ASD trait. This is a better definition of introvert http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/f/introversion.htm and a better understanding come from the 16 personality types. Many on the spectrum are introverted because of difficulty understanding social norms, that is different from an introvert who is often alone to recharge and then go out in the world and engage. Go to kiersey.com or search 16 personality types to find yours.

    • Yes, we know there’s a diagnosis for EVERYTHING today. Can we just go back to being individuals with individual feelings instead of being put into boxes? I am some of these, not all. I am an introvert at times and an extrovert at times…depending on the situation. Am I on a spectrum? Maybe. Do I care? Nope. Why does it matter? So OTHERS can understand me? Pfffft. The 99,000 possible diagnoses are all correct and at the same time not even close.

      • Not sure why you read this article or bothered to comment if you “pfft. Don’t care.” Pretty sure the article was geared toward people like me, who are researching to find out more about ourselves. Also pretty sure this is a PERSON’s freaking blog, not a world relnowned scientific journal.

    • I am an outgoing introvert. I get along with everyone. I can feel the emotions that another person reveals. I can hold long conversations. I have been told that I am a great listener. This made it great when I worked as a cashier. But, at the end of the day, I had to go home and spend hours, if not days, unwinding from all the socializing I did at work. I can say no to friends and strangers alike. I can sit in a packed playroom with many kids and enjoy the book I’m reading. I can do many outgoing things that many extroverts love doing. I just need time to reflect and detach from the overflow of feelings and thoughts that other people throw at me. I am an outgoing introvert.

    • Yeah, sure, just because someone is introverted, that person has social anxiety. One of the reasons I avoid extroverts. The ones I know think I am suffering from some sort of social anxiety just because I don’t talk much.

    • No, this sounds exactly like introversion and not remotely like social anxiety. There is nothing in this list about fear of crowds; only a preference for solitude. “Alone and invisible” is not how the socially anxious feel. On the contrary, they fear that they’re being judged by everyone around them. You’re focusing on one small aspect of the article, misinterpreting it, and ignoring everything else.

    • Wrong. Just plain. It’s human diversity. Period. Pack away your psychobabble.

    • Pretty sure the article was geared toward people like me, who are researching to find out more about ourselves. Also pretty sure this is a PERSON’s freaking blog, not a Nobel prize winning scientific journal.

    • ok i am an introvert AND i have anxiety disorder which includes some social anxiety. THERE IS A BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE! My meds certainly confirm this. for example:
      crowds, with meds: kinda annoying trying to get anywhere, can’t hear myself think, does it really need to take this long to get over there?, i can not wait to get outta hear and get some personal space. without meds: so many people, i feel like i can’t breathe, panic setting in, NEED TO GET OUT OF CROWD, heart pounding, OK I’M PANICKING NOW!, why are they looking at me, REALLY TENSE NOW AND FREAKING OUT, OH THANK GOD I MADE IT OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!

    • Wow. No. Try again. Talk about extrovert bias. Maybe don’t try to pathologize someone’s personality type. We are normal, and there are actually quite a lot of us.

  2. Pingback: 6 things this time! | attybladorny

  3. Reblogged this on ANDREA'S BLOG and commented:
    V Important info…. I am not an introvert but my youngest daughter is, this helped alot to understand our comunication divide, i. e. SHE = introvert ME= LUNATIC extrovert, poor girl! ;)

  4. Ahoj pre všetkých, akko je všetko Myslím, že každý, kto
    je stále viac z tohto Mapa webu , a vaše názory sú príjemnej podporu
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  5. Pingback: Things You Should Know About Introverts | Neets Notes

  6. This article is me too. Almost to a T. I DO have social anxiety issues though, and probably do fall in the ASD…wouldn’t be surprised. But also have a high IQ, mother of 5, active in church, love volunteering in various capacities several times a week, have a college degree, and run a successful business. So to the “scientific” commenter…do not put us in a box labeled “disorder”. :)

  7. Hi Stephanie. This made me cry when I read it. I am going to be 60 in January and only within the last few years have I come to understand how I work. This list is me to a ‘t’ and articulates, so well, my behavior is in response to trying to function in the world.

    I will keep this forever and am passing it around to friends and family. Thanks SO MUCH for this!

  8. Karen Aug 30 : “Can we just go back to being individuals with individual feelings instead of being put into boxes?” Translating into INTP-speak, that becomes: “I [Karen] prioritise other-human validation of my feelings, over impersonal categorisation of my personality type”. Fair enough. But the personality-type categorisation does not in fact preclude, diminish, or interfere with, the scope for such validation. Nor are such categories ‘boxes'; they are ‘landing strips’ or ‘welcome lounges’, akin perhaps to the “I have a place here” feeling that would be triggered if, while at a conference in a foreign country where the majority of attendees were speaking in languages of which you had a rudimentary grasp, you were to enter a room where the conversation was in your native tongue.

  9. Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on sites
    I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be
    interesting to read content from other authors and practice something from their sites.

  10. Pingback: Things You Should Know About Introverts | FauxPleather

  11. Pingback: Introverts | My Silence Unleashed

  12. Stephanie, you are right on with this. Perfect description of me. Recharging time is vital!

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