You know how sometimes you casually come across randomness on the internet and realize it describes something so perfectly that you want to share with everyone you know immediately? Yes. Of course you do. You are a fancy internet person and you know exactly what I’m talking about.
That happened to me last week and – instead of emailing my entire address book – I’m going to share with you, dear blog readers.
The quote is from the xoJane article “Sorry All You Well-Meaning Medical Professionals, But Wearing a Fat Suit Is Not the Same Thing as ACTUALLY BEING FAT” by Lesley Kinzel (see Two Whole Cakes). This excerpt is really just an aside (the article is good too though), but it articulates something I’ve never quite been able to explain:
“it’s hard to describe even the most banal stuff like Chair Panic (i.e. “Will I fit comfortably in this narrow chair with arms, or will I fit uncomfortably but in a way that no one can tell so I can just suffer quietly to myself, or will I not fit at all and everyone will know and OMG I’M A MONSTERRRRR”) to someone who has never experienced it”
Yes. Yes. Yes. Chair panic – a thorn in this fat lady’s side. And something that is difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it.
I know someone out there is thinking, “just lose weight and that won’t be a problem.” But see, it will! That is the crazy part. Chair panic is engrained in my brain. It is a part of me. I had it as a moderately overweight teenager and it has stayed with me all the way to obese adult.