I’m too old for a quarter-life crisis and too young for a mid-life crisis, so what exactly is happening here? If I had the money, I would be one step away from buying the cherry red convertible.
I’m feeling unsettled. This isn’t really unusual for me; there hasn’t really been a time in my life when I felt settled and satisfied. I’ve always just accepted this as a personality trait. But this time it is different. This time I feel trapped. Let me elaborate – “trapped” brings up a pretty horrible picture and I don’t quite mean it that way.
We have been married for eleven years, but over the last couple of years we have put down pretty solid roots unlike anything in our past. I’m not adjusting to this so well. My problem, I know. So, why do I feel trapped? Because, even though the possibility for change is out there, that change would be so much more complicated now. The kids are older, the little man has a huge network of medical providers, both of our jobs are essential to our quality of life, we own a home, etc. . . .
[sarcasm]Lower middle class life is so hard.[/sarcasm]
My flexibility is decreasing and it makes me a little panicky. So, what have I done in the name of this “unidentified life crisis?”
– I’m going back to school, starting a second masters in January. Do I need this degree for my career? No. Am I making a career change? No. Will it get me more money or a promotion? No. Why am I doing it? Because I just want to. Because I can. It is selfish and possibly foolish.
– I chopped off all of my hair. I’m rocking a pixie type cut and it is the shortest it has ever been. This was an awesome choice – my hair is bangin – but still, it was a total impulse move to mix things up. It may have broken me if I walked away hating it.
– I’m spending a sad amount of time looking at real estate online. Some of it in my price range, most of it not. I’m itching to move to a larger house, but we don’t have the funds at the moment. Instead, I just daydream and then – again, personality trait – I get depressed because I’m not reaching my potential. Yuck!
– We got another dog. Cute dog. A rescue that has spent his three years living in a bathroom. Not exactly the best way to make my house seem bigger. And a risk considering the possible health problems a neglected dog could be hiding under a cute exterior. His name is Marvin.
– I have embraced nail art. This is a big deal for someone who can barely paint her nails without getting it on her nose. Right now, my nails are dark with sparkly tips like looking up at the sky. It is a waste of time, but it is time that I get to spend just on me. Overall a positive, I think.
– Wine and coffee. That is pretty obvious though, I guess.